I picked this topic for the blog a few months ago when I was doing my content planning thinking that I would feel overwhelmed as summer came to a close and school was starting, not knowing what a crazy month August would be. It turns out it is a good follow-up to last week’s blog post and hopefully provides even more ideas and support to those of us with a lot on our minds.
First things first, what is overwhelm? Google gives me a few options and it calls it a verb. It is to “bury or drown beneath a huge mass” ,”defeat completely”, or “give too much of a thing to (someone); inundate.” There were many other options for definitions but I think all of the above seem appropriate for what I will be writing about.
When I started working on my own mental health and well-being, I realized that so much of my overwhelm and exhaustion were created by my own thoughts. In this case, I am using overwhelm as a noun but what it really is for me it’s an emotion or feeling. This is good news because once I realized that overwhelm was just how I felt and not really a fact of how my life is, it lifted a huge weight (one could even say mass…) off my shoulders.
Many of us think that if we just changed the circumstances around us that the overwhelm will go away. I found myself thinking week after week that if I could just get through this one thing that it would all be better and I could finally relax. After a few years of doing this, I realized that I was just constantly thinking this same thought “just get through the next-insert number of days-and it will be fine” but it never was. I immediately started thinking of the next thing I had to get through and there was never more than a few days of relaxation in between.
I have been working very hard to change my attitude and thoughts about overwhelm. There are definitely times when it comes back but overall, I find myself in a much better mental space and not as tired and emotionally fatigued as I used to be. Below are some tips on how to get started on getting rid of overwhelm as a constant state of mind!
- Realize overwhelm is an emotion. This was really hard for me. There are so many things around me that in my mind cause overwhelm and they feel so real. Too many emails, patient messages, school events, kids’ sports, birthday parties, family things, volunteering, research, all the things! Turns out this is life and lucky for me, it is the life I chose.
- Choose new thoughts. Once I identified the recurrent thought that I just had to get through the next week, month, year and it would be fine, I knew it was not serving me. Every time this thought came up, I chose to think that I had a very rich life instead. I stopped trying to get to the end product and realized that all these things that I am doing are actually the make-up of my life and not something to get through to get to the other side.
- Be kind to yourself. This is also hard for me but so worth it. Of course feelings of overwhelm will constantly come up. My first instinct is to beat myself up and think that I am failing at coping with overwhelm. A better thing to do is to just know that these thoughts are normal and we can just let them pass and not indulge in feeling sorry for ourselves because our life is so busy and overwhelming. I still love to complain about lots of things, especially to fellow doctors and moms, but I don’t let this emotion completely take over anymore. I just notice that I had a moment of feeling the overwhelm, say something nice to myself (you got this!), and remind my brain that this is the rich life I lead.
- Take care of yourself. It is easy to forget to take care of ourselves when we are focused on everyone else. Our children, spouses, work, you name it, everyone else comes first! A lot of guilt comes up for me when I choose to take care of myself first but it is essential. I don’t mean bubble baths and champagne either. I love a nice meal or girl’s trip but even better is prioritizing good sleep, working out, time to read a book or disconnect or whatever helps you truly re-charge.
- Get help if needed. This applies to any level of help. For me, it meant hiring someone to do a lot of things that were taking up the time that I wanted to spend with my family or resting. It also means to tell your spouse how they can help and not just hope they will read your mind and do exactly what you want them to do. Most importantly, it means that if you are struggling and don’t know how to improve, that you should consider meeting with a mental health professional (therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist) to help guide your next steps. Experiencing overwhelm can be a normal part of many people’s lives but if it is affecting your ability to do basic things like going to work or enjoying your family, friends, or preferred activities, then you are dealing with something more serious.
I would love to hear more tips on how you cope with overwhelm. If you need help finding mental health resources, feel free to reach out as well!
