5 ways to improve communication in your relationship

As I am getting ready to celebrate 8 years with my husband, I got to thinking about how to improve communication in a relationship. I recently wrote a blog post about sharing the mental load and avoiding resentment but this is different. Good communication is important in all aspects of marriage or any relationship,

Why do we care about good communication? Tony Robbins will tell you it is essential to having a happy, healthy relationship and I agree! There are so many things we can’t control in our world. I find it comforting to know I can come home to a supportive partner, who totally gets me and makes me feel better at the end of a hard day.

If you feel like you are not communicating in the best way in your relationship, keep reading! I have 5 tips that will be sure to get you going in the right direction.

Tip #1 – Your partner cannot read your mind

Louder for those in the back! I said this in my last post about relationships and I will say it again… You will never be able to have good communication with your partner if you get upset because they don’t react in the way you want them to or if they don’t do what you want them to do. It takes a while to get comfortable with this one.

It is easy to say it but I know how hard it is to feel like your partner should know how you are feeling or know why you are upset. I think of how I would feel if my husband got upset because I didn’t know the rules of a baseball game or the difference between an oak tree or something else.

Try telling your partner why you are upset the next time you feel like they should just know. If you want things done a certain way, tell them that too. However, there is a balance between wanting your partner to read your mind and telling them how to do everything! Make sure to follow tip #2.

Tip #2 – Listen

Communication is a two-way street. There is often a partner that shares a lot and one that doesn’t. If you know me, you may be shocked to hear that I sometimes *talk too much*. I am always working on letting my partner tell me his side of the story and his thoughts. Listening is as important as communicating.

Non-verbal cues are important as well. I consider these a type of listening. Does your partner seem extra quiet today? Did they leave a lot of food on the plate during dinner? Are they extra cuddly or smiley? Be sure to check in if you are getting a hint of something different than usual.

Tip #3 – It is ok to go to bed without conflict resolution

I am not sure where I heard this but a long time ago someone told me to never to go bed angry. It made sense to me at the time and I still try to push this sometimes. Recently, I realized that sometimes it is ok to let things cool down overnight and re-assess the conflict the next morning. I have a hard time sleeping or concentrating if something is upsetting me, so I try to resolve any conflict right away. This is not always the best thing.

You may say more hurtful things when feelings are still running high. Often, the next morning brings some clarity and it allows us to be more objective and less emotional when talking about whatever conflict we have.

If you discussed the issue a lot and are not getting anywhere, it may be best to table it until the next day and take a rest.

Tip #4 – Be honest

One of my favorite things of being with my husband is that I can unapologetically be myself. If you have ever been in a relationship or group of people where you are trying to be someone you are not, you know it is really hard.

Do not pretend to be someone you are not. Be honest with your partner about your wishes and goals in life. It is hard enough to deal with all the every day stuff getting thrown at us as it is, you don’t need to add acting into the mix!

It will come out one way or another if you are not being true to yourself. This is also not fair to your partner because sooner than later the charade will catch up. Do you really want to be with someone who may not like you for who your truly are? Have you given them a chance to even try?

Tip # 5 – Know there will be fights

Life is not perfect. We are not always happy, nor should we be. There are hard days and easy days. Some days we make mistakes. Sometimes, we don’t feel well.

There may be something wrong with your relationship if you never fight with your partner, just like there is something wrong if you fight too much. It is important to know that these fights will happen and that they are just a part of growing your relationship and hopefully, strengthening it.

I always try to remember that the end goal of a fight is to resolve the issue at hand and move on. It should not be to win or to be right. There should always be respect and even though it is hard, love as well.

Feel free to comment below with any other tips for improving communication in your relationship!