As some of you might know, we just started a long stretch of many Jewish holidays. The first one, Rosh Hashanah, is the Jewish New Year. Next week, there will be a fast as part of Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. We were fortunate to be able to travel to South Florida to spend some of these days with my family.
There is something about the holidays that makes me long for tradition, familiarity, and connection. Last year, I wrote a blog post on how the holidays can be hard for people and I think it is because of the thoughts we have around those topics. Will I be alone this holiday season? Will someone say something that will upset me or the other way around and lose connection? Is it the first time I am doing something different than what I am used to?
This time, I want to write about the opposite and how holidays can be good for people. Just like negative thoughts can trigger negative feelings, the opposite is true. I often find myself going to the negative first and one of my goals for this New Year is to work on really looking at how the glass is “half-full.” My brain likes to convince me that looking at the negative first is a good way to be prepared and ready for anything life may throw at me but I think that I can find a way to look at the positive, not worry constantly, and still be ready for whatever comes next.
The best part of the holidays are the connections we have with our family and friends. Through shared experiences and traditions, we are able to reinforce bonds and even make new ones. Of course, the opposite can be true but notice that you can choose what to focus on.
Here are my thoughts on how to make the best of the relationships around us:
- Don’t expect people to change. This one is very hard for me since I am always trying to work on myself to change and want others to do the same. Life coaching has really helped me around this topic. I will continue to work on accepting and loving my family and friends, even if I disagree with how they act or with what they do.
- Let go of overwhelm. Another favorite state of my mind. For me, this is not just about the holidays. I really want to focus on letting go of overwhelm in all areas of my life. New (and not that new anymore) thoughts I am practicing include “I am living the exact life that I want”, “I have a rich life”, and my favorite, “my life is happening right now, I don’t have to wait for the next thing to pass”.
- Don’t be surprised when people act exactly like they always do. Everything is easier if you are not trying to swim up against the current wishing someone didn’t do exactly what they always do. This concept goes well with the first one but it expands even more on it. If you know aunt Libby is going to ask you at dinner why you are not married yet, instead of being angry when she does ask you, you can choose to respond in whatever way you want and not just react.
- Remember nothing is promised. It is very easy to get caught up on the day to day and all the petty things. As cheesy as it sounds, every day is a gift. Remember to love those that matter to you hard and let go of the little things.
- Life is here to be enjoyed. Live life in a way that brings you joy and makes you proud to be here. This doesn’t mean there won’t be sad times or bad times. For me, relationships are a huge part of what makes my life so amazing. I have moved around a lot and everywhere I go, I love to make new connections and form “framilies”(friends that are like family). I feel extremely fortunate to have strong bonds with my family of origin and amazing friends from all stages of my life. I love to celebrate as much as I can (see thought #4) while trying to leave a good legacy for when I am no longer here.
To those who celebrate L’Shana Tova! I hope this post can inspire all to look forward to any holiday you celebrate.
