Transitions are hard. I think we all know this in our hearts but if you have young children, you witness this hardship multiple times a day. Even if your child likes what you are offering, they may not want to stop doing what they are doing. My son never wants to take a bath but once he is in, he doesn’t like to get out.
As adults, many of us try to have few transitions. We stay in the same job, cities, relationships, you name it. This makes sense since switching up anything is hard. Our brains tend to like things that feel easy and comfortable.
My family is going through a big transition now, which got me thinking about what is the best way to handle these situations. No matter how much we try to avoid change, we will all experience it at some point. I wanted to share some tips that are helping me (and hopefully the rest of my family) handle this as best as possible.
Tip #1 Allow your feelings. It is ok to feel sad, even if the change that is happening is good. Maybe you are switching jobs or moving cities. You may also feel nervous, scared, excited, or anything else. There is never the “right way” to feel. I recently noted that I was trying to suppress any emotions I had about the change we are going through and I realized that I just needed to let myself be sad at times. I was surprised that when I allowed the sadness to just be, it only lasted a few minutes and I felt much better after. You may need to do this several times but trying to push down your emotions will just keep them there for longer!
Tip # 2. Give yourself grace. Change is hard. You may not be functioning at 100% when it first happens. Maybe you do, but maybe you don’t and that is ok. Remembering that it is fine to do less things than you usually would during a time of transitioning is super important. Self-compassion is always helpful, no matter what you are doing.
Tip #3. Practice gratitude. Sometimes the changes we go through are not welcomed or they feel scary even if we wanted them. It helps me feel peace to write down things that I am grateful for – both for where I came from and where I am going.
Tip #4. Make a plan. This one is my favorite, of course! I would love to be able to control and predict all the things but since I can’t, making a plan is the next best thing. When going through a transition, there is a lot of fear around the unknown. It may help to let yourself “go there” if you are worried about what could happen if things don’t go well. What would happen? Can you make a back plan? What is the worst case scenario? Can you solve for it? I would recommend setting a timer when doing this, so you don’t go down a crazy rabbit hole and spend hours solving for every possible problem, especially those that are highly unlikely. If this creates more anxiety for you, then don’t do it.
Tip #5. Remind yourself you can do hard things. As I was preparing for my transition, I kept telling myself, “what if what comes next is even better than what you have now?” but it didn’t feel true. The very loud answer in my head was that it would be impossible. I started trying to think of something more believable to interrupt the more common thoughts I was having, which were that things would be really hard and everything would be terrible. The thoughts I am practicing now are “I can do hard things” and “things will be hard for a while but I can get through anything”, which are two thoughts I do believe.
If you are going through big transitions right now, whether good or bad, I wish you the best. Remember you have gotten through 100% of the worst days of your life already! Share any other tips in the comments.