What Does Self-Care Look Like?

Today I woke up and felt nauseous. I figured maybe it was some indigestion from the night before, took some medication, and got in my car to go to work. Doctors almost never take off from work when they don’t feel well.

I knew the nausea I had was unusual, which prompted me to take medication. Part of me wondered if I should call out of work but I felt guilty since I had a full day of clinic.

Ten minutes into my drive down a very busy road, I had to turn down a side street, pull over, and open my car door to vomit several times. I have never had this experience before. I thought to myself how lucky I was that I had time to pull over and open my door instead of potentially getting in a car accident if I violently threw up while driving.

Although this particular experience was new, going to work ill is not. I even had nausea medicine given to me through an IV while in residency once since I didn’t want to call out two-thirds into a 28 hour shift. As an attending now, I get up to 22 sick days per year (lucky me!). I used one of those today, cancelled my clinic, and drove home once I felt safe enough to do so.

Lying all day in bed today gave me a lot of time to think about why I got in my car in the first place when I knew I was sick. We talk a lot about physician wellness these days and also about “self-care.” However, our jobs sometimes don’t allow us to practice the things that most of us would consider to make us well.

I tried to go to work today because I didn’t want to let my patients down but also because I wasn’t sure how I would re-schedule everyone in a timely manner without adding clinic days or staying late. These options mean that I will see my kids less, that I won’t have as much time to work out, and that I will have less time to work on my academic projects. These are the things that make me well and that decrease my “burn out”.

So what does self-care look like to me? I don’t want to schedule a spa day or do a free yoga class after my clinic is over. I want to create a life where self-care is already built in. A life I don’t need breaks from and that allows me to rest when I need to and to do the things I want to do for fun and not because I am burnt out.

I have not created this life yet but I am working hard to do so. Today, I decided that I should start by putting on my oxygen mask first and allowing myself to stay home when I am sick. Whether you are a doctor, another professional, or a stay at home parent, I hope you can do that for yourself too.