After a week of a lot of reflection, I realized that one of the things I have been trying to work on for the last few years is being present. I mainly think about this when it comes to spending time with my children but it can apply to anything. Sometimes it feels like if I am not going through my schedule and to-do- lists, I am wasting time.
One of the greatest ways to make sure things get done is to put it on the schedule. If you don’t think of yourself as a planner but wish you were, there are lots of blog posts on this site about how to get started with time management and planning.
When I first started thinking about how to be more present, I thought that scheduling time with family without other tasks to do at that moment would do the trick. While this helps, I came across a new obstacle, which felt like a hack at first. I started using the down time to get ahead in tasks scheduled for later in the day, such as packing lunch for the kids or meal prepping. This of course defeats the purpose of having the down time with family. I was now stuck between wanting to be present and hang out but also feeling like time was being wasted, particularly when the kids are watching TV to wind down.
When I searched being present versus efficient, most of the articles that came up were about work. Work is the easiest place for me to not get distracted and stay on task and focused, except maybe some virtual meetings. What I want is a way to stay present when not working and not feel bad about it.
Here are some things I came up with:
- Mindset – this one seems obvious but it is also the one we probably lose sight the most. I have to decide that spending time with my kids, even if just sitting on the couch while they watch The Incredibles for the 100th time is worth the snuggles. I have of course decided this many times already with my heart but often my brain is sneaky and tells me that it’s fine to just quickly go pack the lunch for the morning while the kids are not paying attention to me. One easy way to work on this is journaling often about staying present.
- Scheduling – if you want to make sure something happens, it needs to be scheduled. Even if I don’t always follow the schedule or try to skip some of the down time, it still needs to be on there. With time and practice, I know I can be present but it has to be on the schedule to begin with.
- Gratitude – something that helps me stay present is to do a daily gratitude practice. I used to do a top ten things I was grateful for every night before bed but now I have a gratitude journal. I don’t write in it every single day but I try to as much as possible. One of the sections has you name your favorite parts of the day and what you are looking forward to the next day. I noticed I am always writing snuggles with the kids or something like that. It’s never “getting ahead in my schedule by doing tasks while the kids watch TV”, which is a big indicator of what is really important to me.
- Practice – I am working very hard at not beating myself up for not staying as present as I want to be. I am doing tricks by limiting phone time, locking apps, and most recently told my daughter to call me out if she sees me on my phone when I shouldn’t be (which she is loving!). I know if I keep practicing, I will eventually reach my goals.
Pictured above is me staying present while on vacation! To all those busy parents out there, stay strong! Make up your mind about what your goals are, keep practice, and be kind to yourself!